For the longest time I prayed that God would help me understand His love for me, this morning I got a little taste of it in a way I can comprehend in a modern way.
” I love you. I’m not sure if you love me back, but I wanted to let you know that I love you. I can’t pretend that I only just “like” you because ‘like’ doesn’t cut it for how I feel about you. Trust me, I’ve tried to convince myself that this isn’t love, but everything I do tells me that it is. You don’t deserve my love, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I love you so much it hurts. It hurts when you’re not around, it hurts when I don’t hear from you. It hurts every time I call your cell phone and you don’t pick up. It hurts a little more every time I text you and you don’t text back. But somehow you give me a little hope to hang on to when you text me back hours later. I write you love letters, and you read them and feel good inside because you feel loved. But I don’t hear back about your love about me. The time I spend with you is never quite enough, 10 minutes, 30 minutes, a couple hours, and sometimes even a whole day. I tried figuring out your love language, by speaking all 5 of them. I want to spend time alone with you to let you know that you have my full attention, I tell you how I feel about you so you know that I love you, I come with you with flowers so that you feel like a princess, I take care of you when you don’t take care of yourself, and I take you in my arms and shower you with kisses so you feel protected and loved. What wrong have I done for me to merit this painful love? Despite all this pain and sorrow that I feel, I still love you. I can’t help but love you. I am who I am. I’m a romantic, I like going out of my way to see you, I like taking you out to dinner even if it cost me a fortune, and I like crazy things for you. I’m crazy in love with you. I know this love doesn’t make sense to most people. And you’re right, it doesn’t at all. This love is not logical whatsoever. The logical thing for me to do is to leave you right away and not look back. But when I said that I love you, I really mean it. With this love I promise you many things. I promise to make you feel loved for the rest of your life, I promise to be available to you, I promise to protect you, I promise to provide for you, I promise, listen to me when I say this, I promise that you will know that you are loved by me. I promise you that. But there’s one more thing. I also promise you that if you don’t reconsider your ways with me, and treat this like a relationship, I promise that there will come a day where you and I won’t be together. My pursuit for you will come to an end. I don’t know when this day will be, but I promise that it will come. I’m begging you to reconsider your ways with me so that we can be together. I am trustworthy, when you are faithless, I remain faithful. I love you, and I hope that one day you will understand my love for you, so that you will be able to imitate it and love me back.”
-J.C
